we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
These tits shall not be calmed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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