Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
