Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
