I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize