I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
