Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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