Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
