quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
