C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
