The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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