I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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