I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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