There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
