apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
