Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
