I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
