just tell him i said nine months
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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