Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i love accidental penises.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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