Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
