Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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