If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They took my balls.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
