i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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