he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
