i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
