if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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