atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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