I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
