I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
