Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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