I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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