Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
