Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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