We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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