Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
