It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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