I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
