it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
