Yo dont text me then not text me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize