Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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