it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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