She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
