what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
