you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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