help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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