I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
