you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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