I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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