He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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