All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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