I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
