So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
