i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
