i think my tv is drunk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
