I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sarcasm needs its own font
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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