my mouth tastes like poor choices
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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