My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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