doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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