Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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