it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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