I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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