I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
