im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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