Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
