I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
