You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
