I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
