it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize