I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
