I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
