Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
