Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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